I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
