The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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