one two three fourrrrnication!
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
please don't ironically join a cult
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