I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
