just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
