i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
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