i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
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