Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize