I CAN MOONWALK!
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
