Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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