Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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