I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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