I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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