imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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