Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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