So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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