Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
