Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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