i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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