dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
