is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
