Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
