Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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