forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
