mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
