Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
