I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
