he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Randomize
