I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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