I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
