Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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