sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
