Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
