What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize