You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize