bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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