Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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