I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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