I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
