9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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