I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
