Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
