HIV tests are more positive than that guy
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
