sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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