the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Randomize
