explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
