I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
