is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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