my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
