did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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