THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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