Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Randomize
