girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
