Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
