We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
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