After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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