A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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