Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
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