I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
