I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize