you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
