I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Randomize
