now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
