Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
