dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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