He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Randomize
