that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize