Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
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