I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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