but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
