Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Randomize
